Dreams of a father

It is strange how the mind works when your brain lets it just run… In real life, I owe my mother money for something, yet in my dream I owe her money because she’s going on it impromptu trip to St. Louis. Not sure where that even comes from.

But I do know were another part of my dream last night came from. I had a sense that I was at a party in the house of the family member, my son was with me, along with my wife. The kicker: I ran into the fifth grade version of myself..


I knew it was me because, well, what other Catholic school kid who looks like me, had a big head, and wore a peach and brown combo uniform? It was that bad of a color combo. The tie was brown (and clip on!)

During the night vision, my wife saw snake which turned out to be a lizard and my sister-in-law sprayed my face down with bug spray, that was the humorous aspect. The not so funny part was how the fifth-grade version of me needed a ride home, but had no friends to take him. He said he didn’t belong to that party and didn’t want to be there, and wanted to leave. When I announced to my wife that he needed a ride home, even she appeared to be frustrated by the fifth-grade me. I thought to myself maybe he can be friends with my son, however the age difference of prevented that.

protest_violenceThe reality of this dream may be just that I have mistaken and blurred images in my mind of something. Or some may say that I’m a time traveler and that the fifth-grade me actually came back and that the now me recognized myself but the then me didn’t.

What I think this dream actually encompassed a meaning of is this: The fear I have for my son in this world.

This planet is violent and hostile, deadly and worldly. So often I think that my son is touch with grace, honesty, and goodness. Then again every parent probably thinks the same about their child .. But I do feel that my son has a certain quality of goodness that shines bright. Which is exactly why I worry for him. I see other children, even as young as him, who face desperate situations and have less then adequate parents. We reap what we sow, and the generation that we have sewn together is tattered and violent, desperate for order but yet addicted to chaos.

And of course the other aspect of the dream that sort of troubles me was how I viewed myself as a fifth-grader, I felt alone and isolated at that time too. Do I see connections between me then and my son now?

Anything is fair game when you’re trying to explain the subconscious. However I think I hit the nail on the head.

Now as for why my mom is taking an impromptu plane flight to St. Louis? That one may be just be scattered thoughts in the wee hours of the morning